Do you Enable, or are Your Friends and Family Users?



Sunrise on the Farm 2012



Proverbs 8:13 NIV

To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech.

Are you an enabler or are your friends and family users? 

If you have ever been in a relationship, and I am not speaking of a romantic relationship, I am speaking of a friend, or a familial type of surrounding.  This can be at work or at home. You may have come across situations where you may have felt that things weren't quite right, but, you couldn't put your finger on it.

Please be sure to understand that I am not pointing a finger at anyone I am just trying to educate people in general that there may be three case scenarios at play here rather than one, in the following PRETEND situations.

1. Is being a true friend or family member to a true friend or family member.

2. Is being an enabler to a friend or family member.

3. Is being used by a friend or family member.

Joanne is a single mother who lives with her three children a few cats and two dogs in a not so great suburb of a not terribly well off area in the town of Anywhere, USA.  All her children are in school and Joanne is attending school part time.  Also living in her home is another single mom with one child that Joanne is trying to help out.  But is Joanne truly helping her friend, or enabling her friend to be dependant, or is her friend just being a user?

Another case is the story of a young person living with a bunch of same sex friends in a small college town apartment.  Some work to pay rent, some are college students who have their rent paid as part of their deal with the college as part of their tuition.  They all put in for the rent, electric, and whatever other monthly bills the apartment generates.  Some of the kids think this is a great living arrangement because they live in a college town and they are not necessarily all of the best character, but lets face it we can show whatever personality we want in order to get were we want to be for a short time.  Once there the mask comes off. Okay two of the kids work and two are college students.  Two of the kids really like to party and they do so with abandon, because they both know that they can get some one else from the apartment to come and get them if they can't drive home.  Well these kids are being users.  But isn't the person who comes to get them being an enabler?  This is a tuff situation...because...the person who comes to pick up the room-mates doesn't want their friends to get hurt, so what else could this person do.  How about calling a cab for these friends.  Or how about going to where the party may be and collecting the friend’s car keys so that "said" friends have to stay put for the night. Then go home yourself, without friends.  When someone takes that first drink when they are out for an evening of carousing, they still need to be responsible for themselves!  And once that first drink is taken then they are acknowledging the fact that they will be depending on someone else for there safe return home, whether or not this has been prearranged, oh well, we can call so and so. They'll feel really bad for us and come get us!  Now they are being USERS and the driver is being an enabler.

Before we go any further lets make sure we know what a user and an enabler is:

Definition of user: one that uses

Also: 

     us·er /ˈju:zɚ/ noun

        plural us·ers

     1 : a person or thing that uses something 

     2 : a person who frequently uses illegal drugs
          ▪ I never knew she was a (drug) user.

Okay now enabler: one that enables another to achieve an end; especially : one who enables another to persist in self-destructive behavior (as substance abuse) by providing excuses or by making it possible to avoid the consequences of such behavior  

These are not very pretty definitions are they?  And if you are truly being a good friend this is one thing, however it doesn’t change the fact that your friends are being users and that you are enabling this bad behavior to continue by playing the role they have assigned to you.  You may quite possibly be nothing more than a puppet to them.

Proverbs 8:13 NIV

To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech.

1 Peter 3:1 NIV

[Wives and Husbands] Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, (or friends)

1 Peter 3:16 NIV

keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.

These are some things to think about and to pray about, to make clear in your own mind, what is the status of these relationships.  It is very wise to figure this out because you don’t want to help your friends to continue in these paths of being users.  This behavior can be deadly for them, for you, and for any other innocent bystanders.

Now please take these words to heart and learn my friends, learning is always a good thing.  Oh and go be a blessing!